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JOKESTAN PERSIAN JOKES - Jokestan Homepage Members
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN IT IS TIME TO LEAVE MICHAEL JACKSON'S HOUSE?
WHEN THE BIG HAND IS ON THE LITTLE HAND!!!!!!
Sent By:
ERIC
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the
Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf" says Little Red Riding Hood.
The wolf jumps up and runs away!!! Further down the road Little Red
Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a
tree stump.
"My, what big ears you have Mr Wolf" says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the track
Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down
behind a road sign.
"My, what big teeth you have Mr Wolf" taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams...
"Will you get lost?! I'm trying to take a shit!!!"
Sent By:
Rodrigo
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a
sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight
without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a
quiet,
conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One
day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the
throat,
shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes
the
bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and
says,
"OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really
aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy
finally
lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that
would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the
freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird
kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet.
At
first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird
may
be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that
he
opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says,
"Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to
improve
my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that
has
come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did
the
chicken do?"
Sent By:
Bill
What are the names of a gay irish couple?
Michael Fitzpatrick & Patrick Fitzmichael
Sent By:
backdafucup
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the mooovies.
Sent By:
UNKNOWN
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very
exclusive golf course,lined with million dollar
houses. On the third tee the husband said,
"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball-
don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a
fortune to fix."
The wife teed up and shanked it right through
the window of the biggest house on the course.
The husband cringed and said,
"I told you to watch out for the houses!
Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see
how much this is going to cost."
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a
voice say, "Come on in."
They opened the door and saw glass all over the
floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in
the foyer.
A man on the couch said, "Are you the people
that broke my window?"
"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband
replied.
"No, actually I want to thank you- I'm a genie
that was trapped for a thousand years in that
bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to
grant three wishes- I'll give you each one wish,
and I'll keep the last one for myself."
"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a
million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem-it's the least I could do. And you,
what do you want?" the genie said, looking at
the wife.
"I want a house in every country of the world,"
she said.
"Consider it done." the genie replied.
"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband
said.
"Well, since I've been trapped in that
bottle, I haven't had
sex with a woman in a thousand years. My
wish is to sleep with your
wife."
The husband looks at the wife and said,
"Well, we did get a lot of
money and all those houses, honey. I guess
I don't care."
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.
After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and
said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"35." she replied.
"And he still believes in genies - that's amazing."
Sent By:
Brian
WHAT'S GREEN HAS FOUR LEGS AND WOULD KILL YOU IF
IT FELL ON YOU FROM A TREE?????
A BILLARD TABLE.......
Sent By:
JOHNNY
Two aliens land in Metro Detroit, and they happen to land next
to a gas station. So, the aliens waddle out of their ship and look
around.
The first thing they see that resembles a being is the gas pump.
The two aliens approach and the first one says "Earthling, take
me to your leader!" Of course he gets no response...
The first alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump
again."Earthling, I said take me to your leader!" Of course, still
no response...
The alien then turns to his buddy and says "If this Earthling
doesn't show me some respect and at least acknowledge me, I'm going
to blast him!"
At that the second alien replies, "OK. I'm just going to stand
down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other
to waddle to the next block. He then addresses the pump a third time.
"Earthling take me to your leader!" Still nothing. So the >alien
then pulls out his ray gun and vaporizes the pump...
The gas station goes up in a huge explosion, blowing the alien
all the way down the block to his buddy. He gets up, dusts himself
off, and turns to the second Alien. "If you knew that was going to
happen why didn't you warn me!?"
The second replies "Well, I didn't know exactly *what* was
going to happen. But there's no way I'm gonna' mess with a guy who's
d*ck hangs to the ground, wraps around his body twice, and is still
long enough to stick in his left ear.
___________________________________________
Monday, I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. I
went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse
starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on,
but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my
foot gets caught in the stirrup.
When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued
to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as
I was giving up hope and losing consciousness...............
............the Walmart manager came and unplugged it.
___________________________________________
A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms,
had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami
sun when who >should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend
of his.
"Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked
terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red,
and his teeth chattering.
"I got a ride down here in some guy's mustache and he came down here
by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar.
"Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some
more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge
at
the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air
Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice
warm ride. Got it?"
So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later,
while >stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should
he see >but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than before.
"Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the
stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made
a >perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off."
"And so?" asked the first flea.
"And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's mustache again!"
Sent By:
Bill
Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat they are
wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As lunch time
approaches they decide they are hungry. They then come up to a
street vendor selling hot dogs. One says to the other in a shocked
tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"
"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled. "Well," says the
first, "if we're going to be Americans, we must do as they do."
They approach the vendor bravely. "Two hot dogs, please."
The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two
immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch.
One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says,
"Uuh, which part of the dog did you get?"
Sent By:
Farshad
How do you get four gay guys on a stool?
Turn it upside down.
Sent By:
UNKNOWN
Two guys walk into a bar. One turns to the other and exclaims, "That fu**ing hurt!"
Sent By:
Overman
Q: What is better than "a rose on a Piano"?
A: "tulips on an organ"
Sent By:
Branoush
Why is a pool table green?
You'd be pretty green too if you had your balls racked around all day.
what do you call a grandmother that can crack a joke?
Sent By:
Pool Table
a: a gramcracker
Sent By:
karl hollins
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks
in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. "Is it
a boy or girl Gorilla?"
the service guy asks. "Boy", is the man's
response.
"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there".
An hour later the
service guy shows up with a stick, Chihuahua, shotgunand a pair of hand
cuffs. He then gives the man some instructions.
"Now, I'm going to climb
this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does,
the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's balls. The gorilla will then
cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on."
The man asks "What do I do with the shotgun?"
"If I fall out of the tree
before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
Sent By:
Leslie (urxwizit)
Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contains
small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory
they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of
them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
Sent By:
Brian
One day this guy goes to jail. He hears an inmate scream "34". Then
everyone laughs. Then another inmate yells "89", and yet again everyone
dies laughing. This goes on for a day or two where he becomes very
curious and asks his cell mate about the numbers being yelled out. The
cell mate explaines that they all have been here so long and have told
each other so many jokes that by now they know the jokes by number, so
they dont repeat the whole joke. Next day at the prison cafeteria the
guy decides to give it a try and yells out "47". Suddenly the place
quietes down and they all look at him. He gets nervous and asks the cell
mate "what happened?
why isn't anyone laughing?"
and the cell mate says
"well... some people know how to tell jokes and some don't!"
Sent By:
Jonathan
What's the difference between Simba on the Lion King and O.J. Simpson?
One's an African lion, the other's a lyin' African!
Sent By:
Kim Do
Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously
celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to
offer them a drink on the house. When he gets close he hears
one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"
Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so
special about 17 days?"
Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been
spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said
3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"
Sent By:
Farshad
whats the difference between broccolie and boogers?
kid won't eat broccolie
Sent By:
jamie
THERE WERE TWO LESBIAN FROGS SITTING BESIDE THE POND AND ONE SAID TO THE OTHER,
"UMM, WE REALLY DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN"
Sent By:
bubba
son asks father "why is the boat floating pa why doesn't it sink"
then dad says "oh because its bottom is shaped as a pot son thats why"
then son pushes his father into the water.dad cries out "hey son i'm sinking,
why the hell did you push me in" son says "oh dad your stomach is shaped as a pot,you shouldn't be sinking"
Sent By:
boxer bee
a guy asked a lady if she likes to dance, she says no thank you,
man says, don't thank me , thank god someone asked
you to dance
Sent By:
amir turkeh
This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the
doorbell rings. The guy answers it, and a kid standing there says "Hi,
I'm Freddy. I'm here to pick up Betty. We're gonna go eat spaghetti.
Is she ready?" The man, mildly amused, calls down his daughter, and the
two leave.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid
standing there says "Hi, I'm Jim. I'm here to see Kim. We're gonna
go for a swim. Can I come in?" The guy, now perplexed, says yes, and
the two take off.
A few minutes later, the doorbell rings and again the father answers.
A kid standing there says "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo.
We're gonna go to the show. Can she go?" The man, now kind of annoyed
says yes and the two depart.
Sure enough, a few minutes later the doorbell rings once again, and
the father answers. A kid standing there says "Hi, I'm Chuck.."
The father shot him.
Sent By:
Patrick
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a
mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the
farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm
but
the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to
the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the
other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car
forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again
and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the
horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I
think
I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole
and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken
did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up
chicks.
Sent By:
Farshad
This guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I
want to open a f*ckin' checking account"
To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"
"Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a f*ckin' checking
account
right now."
"Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in
this
bank!"
The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and
told
him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked,
"What seems to be the problem here?"
"There's no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million
in
the lottery and I want to open a f*ckin' checking account in this
damn
bank!"
"I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a
hard
time?"
Sent By:
Farshad
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