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JOKESTAN PERSIAN JOKES - Jokestan Homepage Members
People have been complaining about the rising price
of gasoline
recently, but I have always thought that gas was a
good value
(especially if you were to take the $0.30, $0.40
per gallon tax off at
the pump)! Obviously others need a little
convincing.
So the article
in this week's "Autoweek" magazine brought it all
to light.
What if you were to buy a gallon of . . .
- Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon
- Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon
- Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon
- Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon
- Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon
- Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon
- STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per
gallon
- Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon
- Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon
- Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon
- Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon
You get the idea. So next time you're at the pump,
be glad your car
doesn't run on Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout!
Happy driving,
Sent By:
Koony
An American woman, a British woman and an Italian woman were having
lunch.
The American woman said, "I told my husband that I wasn't going to
clean
the house anymore. If he wanted it clean he would have to do it
himself.
After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I
didn't see
anything. Then on the third day, voila! My husband had cleaned the
entire
house!"
The British woman agreed, "I told my husband that I wasn't going to
do
the
laundry anymore. If he wanted it done he would have to do it
himself.
After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I
didn't see
anything. Then on the third day, voila! My husband had done both
his and
my laundry!"
The Italian woman chimed in, "I told my husband that I wasn't going
to
cook anymore. If he wanted home cooking he would have to either go
by
his
mother's house or cook for himself.
After the first day, I didn't
see
anything. The second day, I didn't see anything.
Then on the third
day,
I
began to see a little out of my left eye."
Sent By:
Luis
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their
baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new
machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the
father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both
very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that
even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever
experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he
asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then
adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the
husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was
doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband
continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he
encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife
delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband
were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
Sent By:
Salarmehre
ENERGIZER BUNNY FOUND DEAD!!
Today, the world was stunned by the news of the
death of the
Energizer
Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe
that the death
occurred
approximately 8:42 last evening. Best known as the
irritating pink
bunny
that kept going, and going, and going.
"Pinkie",
as he was known to
his
friends and family, was alone at the time of his
death. An emergency
autopsy
was performed early this morning.
Chief Medical
Examiner, Dura Cell,
concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac
arrest induced
by sexual over-stimulation.
Apparently, someone had
put the bunny's
batteries in backwards and he kept coming, and
coming, and coming...
Sent By:
Jackie The Joker!
The Godfather called to him one of his workers, Joey. He asked him, what is a 2+2? Joey says, boss, 2 +2 is a four! is a four! The Godfather takes out his gun and fires. BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!! Then Emmanuel runs over to the godfather crying. He says, boss, boss! why you have to kill joey! he was your best man. He was your right hand, he did everything for you. He was everything to you. why you pop him for?
The godfather replied, cuz he knew too much
Sent By:
Moe from Mission Viejo
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida.
She
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way,
but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the
"no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde
shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator
so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The
shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest.
Maybe you'll
luck out and catch yourself a big one.
Determined, the
blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching
herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is
driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist
deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a
huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes
aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls
it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more
of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just
then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and
frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't wearing any
shoes either!
Sent By:
A BLond!
A newly wed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother,
who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The
farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-
law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic
relationship.
It was all to no avail, though, as she kept nagging
them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted
advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and
his new bride.
While they were walking through the barn, during
the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up
and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her
instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her
demanding ways.
At the funeral service a few days later, the
farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.
The preacher noticed that whenever a woman would whisper
something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something.
Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however,
he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply. Very curious
as to this bizarre behavior, the preacher later asked the farmer
what that was all about.
The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible
tragedy' and I would nod my head and say 'Yes, it was.'
The
men would then ask, 'Can I borrow that mule?'
and I would
shake my head and say, 'Can't, it's all booked up for a year.'"
Sent By:
Jason
An old country doctor went way out to the
boondocks to deliver a
baby.It was so far out, there was no electricity.
When the doctor arrived, no one was
home except for the laboring mother and her 5
year old child. The
doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so
he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the
baby. The child did so,
the mother pushed and
after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn
baby
by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him
to take his first breath.
The doctor then asked the 5 year old what he
thought of the baby.
"Smack
him
again," the 5 year old said. "He shouldn`t have
crawled up there in the
first place!"
Sent By:
Julie
A blonde went to helicopter flight training, wanting to learn to fly
that day. The owner agreed to send her up, and instruct
her by radio.
He showed her the start up, and basic procedures, and up
she went. At 1000 feet, she
radioed, "I'm doing great!
I love it!
I'm really getting the hang of
it!"
The instructor watched her climb to over 3000
feet, then watched in horror as
the helicopter began a dive and crashed nearby. He ran over and
pulled her from the wreck, asking, "What happened?"
She
said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, until I got cold and
turned off that big fan."
Sent By:
Krane
once an Indian goes to grocery store and asks for a very cheap toilet paper. sales man says they have this no name brand which is 59C per 4 rolls. he buys that and leaves happy. next day he goes back to the store and tell the sales man he has got a name for that no name brand:" you can call it John Wayn, because it is rough, it is tough and it doesn't take any shit from Indians..."
Sent By:
delmordeh
What's the difference between a blonde and a porche?
You dont lend your porche to your friends.
Sent By:
KIMIA.AUSTRALIA
So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another Blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get
to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river, then down the
river, then shouts back, "You are on the other side."
Sent By:
joey
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems
selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her
problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her,
"There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not
legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if only I can sell the
car." "Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the
counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be aproblem
to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, the Blonde made the trip
to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the
blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "whys hould I?
It only has 50,000 miles on it."
Sent By:
joey
Q:what is the difference between a kitty cat and a lion?
A:a little p**sy never hurt anybody!!
Sent By:
pimp
when you were born you were so ugly the doctor slapped both of your parents and said "what's wrong with you.
Sent By:
joke chick
AN AGING WOODCUTTER DECIDED WAS APPROACHED ONE DAY BY A SALESMAN SELLING THE LATEST LINE OF CHAINSAWS AND TRIED TO CONVINCE HIM THAT IT WAS TIME HE STARTED USING MODERN TECHNOLOGY TO CUT TREES INSTEAD OF USING HIS AXE.
THE WOODCUTTER WAS VERY RELUCTANT TO CHANGE SO THE SALESMAN ASKED HIM HOW MANY TREES DOES HE CUT IN A DAY.
THE WOODCUTTER SAID ROUGHLY FIVE TREES PER DAY.
THE SALESMAN THEN TOLD HIM THAT HE WOULD AT THE VERY LEAST DOUBLE THAT AMOUNT IF HE USED THE CHAINSAW.
ON HEARING THIS THE WOODCUTTER'S EYES LIT UP AND PROMPTLY BOUGHT THE CHAINSAW.
THE NEXT DAY THE WOODCUTTER CUT DOWN SEVEN TREES BUT FOUND THAT HE WAS EXTREMELY TIRED.
THE DAY AFTER THAT HE CUT DOWN SIX THEN FOUR THE DAY AFTER THAT UNTIL HE COULD ONLY CUT DOWN ONE TREE A DAY.
HE FINALLY GOT FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY AND CALLED THE SALESMAN AND COMPLAINED TO HIM.THE SALESMAN CAME TO SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS AND TO CHECK THAT THE SAW WAS WORKING PROPERLY.WHEN HE PULLED THE CORD AND THE CHAINSAW WHIRRED LOUDLY.THE WOODCUTTER GASPED AND JUMPED IN ASTONISHMENT AND PROCLAIMED "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT".
Sent By:
RAVI RAMNATH
A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down thealley
that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated:
"This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year,you
could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull and his signstated:
"This bull mated 65 times last year."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times lastyear.
That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also." They
proceeded to the last bull and his sign said:
"This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times lastyear.
That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."
The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and ask if it was 365 timeswith
the same cow."
Sent By:
Pablo
Revenge of the blondes :
1. What`s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch? A
brunette who`s told too many blonde jokes.
2. What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette?
Brown-bagging it.
3. What`s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure? No one else
wants it.
4. Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners ? So brunettes can
remember them.
5. What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes? Invisible.
6. What`s a brunette`s mating call? " Has the blonde left yet? "
7. Why didn`t Indians scalp brunettes? The hair from a buffalo`s
butt was more manageable.
8. Why is the brunette considered an evil color? When was the last
time you saw a blonde witch?
9. What do brunettes miss most about a great party? The invitation
10. What do you call a good looking man with a brunette? A hostage
11. Who makes bras for brunettes? Fisher-Price
12. Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? It matches their mustache.
Sent By:
Pablo
Q. What position makes the ugliest baby?
A. Ask your mama
Sent By:
Abbas Agha Joon
Q: Why was the condom flying through the air?
A: It got pisse off.
Sent By:
Mojo Jojo
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City
restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen
seated there are furiously masturbating.
She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"
One of the Japanese men says, "We are all berry hungry."
The waitress says, "So how is whacking off in this restaurant
going to help that situation?">
One of the other businessmen replies, "Because menu say,
FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED.!!!!!
Sent By:
Pablo
If Dear Abby was a Man
Dear Mr.Abby:
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex
with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get
enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your
sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the
family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are
still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy
him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal
and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Dear Mr.Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10
calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep
your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly,
a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with
him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a
man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank
him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice
meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior - and it should be
encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove
his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable,
a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get
back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how
emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his
stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice,
expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't
mention this aspect of his behavior.
Dear Mr.Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you
must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the
family budget you may wish to video tape yourself while
doing this, and to sell it at flea markets. To ease your
selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and
cook him a delicious meal.
Dear Mr.Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that
you do not love your man as much as you should - he has
to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in
this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice
expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
Dear Mr.Abby:
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant,
man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit.
Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by
buying a nice expensive present ..and don't forget to cook
him a delicious meal.
Sent By:
Pablo
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere
in life and thought they should go to Georgia Tech to get
ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells
him to take Math, History, and Logic.
"What's Logic?"
the first redneck asks.
The professor answers by saying, "Let me give you
an example. Do you own a weedeater?"
"I sure do."
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,"
replied the professor.
"That's real good!"
says the redneck.
The professor continues, "Logic will also tell me that since
you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, the redneck says, "Amazin!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"
The redneck is obviously catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume
that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin'
thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!!"
The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walks
back into the hallway, where his friend is still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asks the friend.
"Math, History, and Logic!" replies the first redneck.
"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?"
asked the first redneck.
"No," his friend replied.
"You're Gay
Sent By:
Dave
Two blondes, standing on two sides of a river, and puzzled with how to cross the river.
Waiving to the other one, the 1st blonde asks "How can I get to the other side ? "
the second one answers "But! you are! on the other side"
Sent By:
Ali from MI
How does a blondes brain cells die?
ALONE!!
Sent By:
Jen
A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, "I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now".
So the artist goes ahead and does the job, but all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
He tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So the man consents and offers these three reasons: "First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third - and most importantly - the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay at home to do it!"
Sent By:
Farzam
A medical student goes to a morgue to buy a human brain.
The price of the brains are $100 female and $200 male.
He is now curious as both brains look the same to him, so he asks why the male brain is more expensive than the female one?
The morgue employee replies "the female brain has been used"!
Sent By:
Johnam
once there's this guy from Canada and he went to Japan and he
did it with this lady and the lady said hachidy chan and the man said hachidy chan and he said what ever
and later that night he was playing pool with his friends and his japan friend say's
hachidy chan and the guy says what the hell does that mean and he say's it means wrong hole!!!!!!!!
Sent By:
MIKE
why doe's tiger look down the toilet ?
because he was looking for pooh
Sent By:
MIKE
Three guys, a Nebraskan, a Texan and a Coloradan are out walking
together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of
it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says
the Genie. The Nebraskan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer,
and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in
Nebraska." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in
Nebraska was forever made fertile for farming. The Texan was amazed,
so he said, "I want a wall around Texas, so that no foreigners can
come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye,
'POOF' there was a huge wall around Texas. The Coloradan asks, "I'm
very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie
explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and
completely surrounds the state. Nothing can get in or out." The
Coloradan says, "Fill it up with water."
Sent By:
James
why are woman like hurricanes?
when they come there loud and wet and when they go they take your house and your car.
Sent By:
UNKNOWN
The English Channel Breaststroke Competition
There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the
breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were
abrunette, a
redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the redhead staggered up on the
shoreand
was declared the fastest breaststroker.
About 40 minutes later, the brunette crawled up on the shore and was
declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore
andpromptly
collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete
therace,
she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think
those two other girls were using their arms..."
Sent By:
Jenny
your mama is so poor, she cann't even pay attention.
Sent By:
mike nick
A fresh faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother
with the following question."Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that
your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with hisfather.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household
appliances come in white."
Sent By:
Pablo
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