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JOKESTAN PERSIAN JOKES - Jokestan Homepage Members
A man was approached by coworker at lunch who invited him out for a
few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for
it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after
work. T he coworker suggested a way to overcome that problem: "When
you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the
sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex.
Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out
late with the boys."
So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late
that night, he sneaked into the house, slid down under the sheets,
gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned
and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he
had to take a leak, so he told he he'd be right back, got out of bed
and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and
went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the john.
"How did you get in here?" he asked.
"Shhhhh!!!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"
Sent By:
JaKoB!
What did the leper say when he paid the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
Sent By:
Satan
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural
pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring
his
face
close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his
beard
which is full and bushy.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with
both
hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks,
running
her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues
huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing
him
to suck them gently.
"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room ."
Sent By:
Tony
There was a reporter from the New York Times travelling in West
Virginia. Hoping to get a story for his family column he stopped at a
gas station.
He asked the guy pumping gas "Has anything exciting happened around
here?"
The man said "Two weeks ago farmer Brown lost some sheep and twenty
of
us men went looking all night, found them, f*cked all of them, then
returned them to the farmer"
I can't write that the reporter thought.
"What else exciting has happen besides that?"
The man told him "Last week Mrs Brown was missing. Twenty of us men
looked all night, found her, each one of us f*cked her, then took her
home."
Hell I can't write that either he thought. "Has there been any
tragedies
around here?"
The man took off his hat and rubbed his head and said "Yes, there was
this time I got lost.."
Sent By:
Boris
A guy in a restaurant orders chicken noodle soup. He starts to
eat the soup and chokes on a hair in the soup. After gagging for
a minute, he calls the waitress. "I'm not paying for this soup.
There was a hair in it."
The waitress and customer get into a bit of an argument over the
problem. The guy ends up storming out of the restaurant without
paying. The waitress sees the guy go across the street to a
house of ill repute. The waitress's shift is over in about 15
minutes. She hurries over to the hooker's house and finds out
where the guy is. Discovering the room, the waitress barges in to find
the guy and lady of the evening engaging. Walking in, she notices
the guy's face buried in the hooker's "business
area".
Seeing this, the waitress says, " SOoooo, you wouldn't pay for the
chicken noodle soup because you found a hair in it, but NOW look where
your face is!"
The guy, upon pulling his face out of the muff,
turns to the waitress and says...
"And if I were to find a noodle in here, I will not pay for this either!!!"
Sent By:
Ela
Q: How does a gay guy get a condom out?
A: He farts!
Sent By:
Shahin
this girl comes home and says to the guy
i'm breaking up with you ..and the guy
says why she says that he is
a pedophile and the guys says no i'm
not she says yes you are.... the
guy says thats an awlfully big word for
a nine year old......
Sent By:
nel
What do a frying pan and anal sex have in commen?
They both brown your meat.
Sent By:
UNKNOWN
Q:What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbian's appartment?
A:Potpourri!
Sent By:
Shahin
A man had been lost and wandering in the Chinese wilderness for 3 months
All he had to eat was what he could forage and was forced to sleep wherever
he could find meager shelter.
One day he came upon an old farm house. In answer to his knock, an old
Chinese gentleman asked "WHAT DO YOU WANT"?
"I have been lost in the wilderness for 3 months and have not had a decent
meal or nights sleep in just as long". "May I stay the night?"
The old man agreed under the condition that there be no messing with his
granddaughter.
"I will cause you no trouble", the man said.
"That's very good" said the old man. "because if I catch you with my
granddaughter, you will suffer the three most severe Chinese tortures".
The granddaughter attended the evening meal and the man was awestruck by
her beauty. Since he had been alone for so long and she had not been with
a man in her life, they could hardly keep their eyes off of each other
during the meal.
Later that night the man crept into her room and they had a terrific time
together. They were careful to be quiet lest they awaken the grandfather.
Afterwards, the man returned to his room, on the third floor, and thought
"That marvelous experience was worth enduring a thousand tortures". He
then fell promptly asleep and had the best sleep in three months.
Upon awakening, he felt an incredible weight on his chest. He then
realized that there was a 100 pound rock on his chest. On the rock was a
sign that read:
"1st Chinese Torture - 100 Pound Rock On Chest".
This is some lame torture thought the man as he carried it over to the
window and threw it out. Then he noticed another sign on the bottom of the
rock:
"2nd Chinese torture - Right Testicle Tied To Rock".
Knowing that it was to late to catch the rock, the man hurled himself out
of the window after it. Passing through the window the man saw a third sign
on the window ledge.
"3rd Chinese torture - Left Testicle Tied To Bedpost".
OUCH!
Sent By:
Ela
Q: What do you call a closet full of Lesbians?
A: A Liquir closet.
Sent By:
Becky
Q: How do you f*ck a fat women?
A: Flip through the folds until you smell shit, then flip one back!
Sent By:
Tylor
A man had been wanting to go to a baseball game for a long time, but he
could never find tickets. Then, one day he got some. Front row seats,
right behind home
plate. The guy was really psyched for it. So, he gets to the game, sits
down, and everything is perfect. That is, until a leper comes along and
sits down right beside
him. Now, this is the stereotypical leper...boils, lesions, bandaids,
etc. Just disgusting. The guy just kind of groans, and the leper senses
his discomfort right away.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I know I'm disgusting. If I'm offending you, I'll leave
right now."
"No, that's all right," the man says, "You can stay."
About ten minutes go by, and the leper's finger falls off. Again, the
man just kind of mutters under his breath, "Oh man, that's disgusting."
The leper picks up on it right away. "That was a little too much, I
know. I'll leave right now."
"No," the man says,"It's not you at all. It's that guy behind you who
keeps dipping his nachos into your back."
=============================================
A little boy named chappy was staying at his grandma's house and it was
bed time. She told him she was going to go run him some bath water.
Chappy replied "no, I
want to take a shower".
The grandmother answered "oh you do huh".
Chappy answered back "yes, I'm 7 years old now and I am old enough to
take a shower now".
Grandma: "Well, ok I guess I need to take one to. So I'll take one with
you and keep an eye on you"
While taking a shower Chappy asked Grandma "What it that"? pointing to
her puss.
Grandma's reply: "Thats my beaver honey".
Chappy asks "Well whats it for"?
Grandma answers Chappy: "You are too young to need to know what it is
for and you will learn about that soon enough"
The next night Chappy's at home and it is time for him to take a bath
and him mom tells him to get ready for his bath.
Chappy answers: "No, I take showers now".
Chappy's mom: "Oh you do huh"?
Chappy: "Yes, I took one at Grandma's house".
Chappy's mom: "Ok then I need to take one any ways".
They are in the shower and Chappy ask his mom "What is that mom"
pointing at her puss.
Chappy's mom: "That's my beaver honey"
Chappy: "Oh, Grandma has one of those, but I think it's dead"
Chappy's mom: "Why do you say that"?
Chappy: "Because it's tounge is hanging out"
Sent By:
Tylor
Two hobos are walking along the railroad tracks. The first one says
"What"s the best thing that has ever happened to you?" The second hobo
thinks for a minute and
says "Once when I was walking along the tracks, I found a hundred dollar
bill. I took that money an bought wine for all my friends. We were drunk
for three days!"
" What"s the best thing that has ever happened to you?" The first hobo
thinks for a second and says " I know, Once I was walking along the
tracks an I found a girl
laying on the tracks all tied up. I untied her and we made love all
night long!" " Wow, Did you get a blow job?" " Nah, I never did find her
head!"
Sent By:
Tylor
what is grosser than gross biting into a hot dog and finding veins in it
Sent By:
chris marchewka
There are these three guys and their
starving and they are walking through
the woods and come across an old ladies house.
They knock on the door and the old lady
answers. They ask for some food, and
the old lady says only if you screw me.
The first guy said he would rather starve.
The second guy said the same thing.
Third guy said sure (he was really hungry).
The lady brings a tray of food in
and the man says close your eyes and
I'll give you a surprise. So he grabs
a corncob off the tray off food and
lifts up her skirt. But when he gets
up her skirt she has a scab over a
certain part of her anatomy so he
rips that off and throws it out the
window then he uses the corncob to screw
her and she says it was so good that
if he does it again he can have all
the food he wants so he does it again
and throws the corncob out the window
and after he's done he goes out to his
friends and tells them that they can
have all the food that they want. And
they said that they were to full from
the pizza and cream corn!!!
Sent By:
KING
Q: How can you tell the difference between an
oral and rectal thermometer?
A: By the taste!!
Sent By:
Neil
there were two gay guys making love
in the shower room. suddenly the
phone rang one turns to the other
and says o.k. i'm gonna get the phone
make sure you don't cum till I get back.
after he hung up the phone he returned
to the shower to find white stuff all
over everything. he said I thought I
told you not to cum till I got back.
his lover replied I didn't I farted!!!
Sent By:
UNKNOWN
How do women hold their Liquor??
A: By the ears
Sent By:
Indy
A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his
orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back
of
the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour, "What's
the camel for?".
The Sargent replied "Well sir it's a long way from
anywhere,
and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the
camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's
all
right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the
captain
could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains
quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex
with
the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning
his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The
Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."
Sent By:
Farshad
A lady walks into this diner, sits at the luncheonette counter and
orders a hamburger. The huge woman behind the counter bellows,
"One burger!"
Ed the cook, who's even bigger and more disgusting, screams, "Bur-ger!",
whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare
armpit,
pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the
grill.
The lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen." The
waitress replies, "Oh yeah? That's nothing. You should be here in the
morning when he makes the doughnuts.
Sent By:
Farshad
What do you eat on pizza that you wouldn't eat on p**sy?
the crust
Sent By:
UNKNOWN
How do you know you have a high sperm count?
when your girlfriend has to chew before swallowing.
Sent By:
UNKNOWN
Q:What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A:The Wheel Chair.
Sent By:
UNKNOWN
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily
functions.
One seventy year old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every
morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and
I
sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a
bowel movement."
The ninety year old man says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight
I
crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."
Sent By:
Farshad
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss
them
in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one,
his
wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in
his
ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in
deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became
worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her
date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he
could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the
father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut
flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the
young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the
mother turned to the father.
The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? what do you think he's
going to be when he grows older?!"
The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"
Sent By:
Farshad
There is this ship that goes out to sea and crashes. Six people, 1 woman
and 5 men, survive and use a safety raft to float to a deserted island.
After spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really
lonely, sexually-deprived lonely. So they come to this agreement: each man
will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week,
then the second man has her for the second week, and so on. Everyone
will now be getting sex and they all agree to it.
This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex
every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a
different man every week.
A few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies!!!! The first week is pretty
bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week it's getting worse,
the fourth week things are just bad, really bad, the fifth week it is just
awful, it's getting so bad, soooooo...on the sixth week......
........they bury her
Sent By:
Farshad
Some Gangsters think of robbing a bank. They think of the best plan
that can be made and start to work. A day or two later they are able
to get into the bank. There were hundreds of safes. They
open the first safe and the only thing they find in there is a vanilla
pudding. The Head Gangster says " OK! At least we can eat it." So
they eat the pudding.
They open up the second Safe and there stays another pudding.
So they devoured it too. This process goes on for the rest of the day
until all the safes were opened. There was no money nor jewelry.
"Well," they say, "at least there is something for us to eat".
The Next day, on the news they heard: "Yesterday the biggest
sperm bank in the USA was robbed...."
Sent By:
Farshad
Two gay guys were driving in a car in a S.F street, suddenly
a car with a driver from Memphis(red neck),crosses
into their lane and damages the right fender of their car.The
gay driver looks at the red neck guy and in a gayish way says:
"oh, you hit my car", the red neck responds "f*ck you!"
the gay driver then looks at his friend and says:
"oh,i think he wants to settle out of court!".
saeed
Michael Jackson and wife had a baby boy last week. After the birth
Michael asked the doctor, "How long do I have to wait before we can
have sex?"
The doctor replied, "You should wait 'till he's at least 12 years old."
Farshad
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He
lost
the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the
second
half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport
he
could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino
where
there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the
cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him
his
credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc.
but to
no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't
have
fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was
forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch
his
flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain
his
financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling
pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to
get a
cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the
end
of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him
a
ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy
pay
for
his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the
first
cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen
bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blowjob on
the
way?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into
the
back
of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the
same
result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got
in
and
asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied
"fifteen
bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they
drove
slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and
thumbs
up sign to each driver.
Farshad
Quickies - Sick, gross and Twisted just the way I like 'em!
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.
Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She's the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.
Q: What's the difference between a microwave and a butthole?
A: A microwave doesn't brown the meat.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: What does an 80 year old woman taste like?
A: Depends!
Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?
A: You can't fit a blonde in a bowling ball.
Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A: They're both used as substitute meat.
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One's a goodyear, the other's a great year!
Q: What do old women have between their breasts that young women don't?
A: A bellybutton!
Q: What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A: Beethoven's first movement.
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Q: What do you call a pair of nuns and a blond?
A: Two tight ends, and a wide receiver.
Farshad
WHATS GROSSER THAN GROSS?
Sliding off a razor blade and falling in a pool of alchol!
Eating Cornflakes, and finding out that your brothers scab collection is missing!
Eating a bowl of rice and finding out the last one moves!
Your grandfather giving a hicki to your grandma and her skin comes off!
You grandfather sneezes and his nose falls off!
Sitting on your grandfathers lap and finding hes got a hard on!
Your girlfriend does the splits and your bestfriends class ring falls out!
Eating a banana and finding that your sisters been practicing with it!
Drinking a bloody marry and finding a string in it!
Two people kissing with braces, they get locked and one of them starts throwing up!
Falling off the Empire state building and getting your eyelid cought by a rusy nail!
Falling off the empire state bulding and landing on a bike with no seat!
Jason
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